Tuesday, 2 January 2007

Old wine in new bottle

Here are some crazy ideas for new year resolutions i found on MSN!

1. Lose weight. Get on the "Lose 40 pounds in 20 days" programme, which involves eating a sole carrot every day at 2 p.m. Make sure this is done in time for the new season of American Idol, so that you look good lip-synching in front of the mirror while watching the show (Don't forget to apply for life-insurance before embarking on the weight-loss programme, in case of a sudden heart-attack).

2. Get some exercise. To vary your exercise routine a little, on your way back from your annual morning walk, just before the signal turns green, run across screaming frantically, "They are onto us!" and then once you cross the road, proceed to wait patiently for the next signal to change colour and start again.

3. Cutback on caffeine. Replace your customary coffee beverage, at noon, with a stiff peg of something… ehrmm… stronger, instead.

4. Wear sun block. Also keep in mind that suntan isn't the same product with a different company name, and that the tan in suntan does NOT refer to the tanning that the sun's rays get, when you apply the product.

5. Re-discover an old hobby. In your spare time, get back to the used chewing gum sculpture you worked on through your summer vacation in the seventh grade.

6. Sign-up for a class. The "Empty vessels making a noise in your kitchen are really aliens trying to make contact" sounds like a real fun class to sign up for. Who knows, you might even have a date, this Valentine's!?

7. Strike a work-life balance. Set up a make shift den in your 6 x 6 cubicle so that significant other and you can catch up on movies over the weekend, during your lunch break.

8. Re-connect with the family. Spend quality time with grandma by taking her shopping at the neighbourhood mall (remember to snip off the price tags prior to stuffing granny's bag with items that haven't been paid for).

9. Break out of your comfort zone. It really is okay to eat foods that are green. Not all green foods are mutants struggling to get out of the matrix.

10. Get in touch with your feelings. Get back to practising voodoo seriously. Chintoo should never have beaten you to reciting the alphabet in nursery. He must pay!

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