Wednesday, 21 February 2007

First Floor !!! (try not to read this post)

I climbed the first floor today :D
And again my eyes have welled up...

When I met with an accident last year, life became unpredictably horrible in a flash. The shock, trauma, pain and hazy yet clear recollections of the incident haunted me day and night. The pain didn't let me sleep for weeks and the depression gave me not a moment of peace. Lame thoughts like having been cursed and wished ill for plagued my mind constantly. The truth is that crap happens, even to the best of souls and there's no controling accidents. the best possible approach is to learn a few lessons from them, value life, be grateful for what you have and come to terms with the altered reality.

People said that one day, maybe after half a year or so the memories will fade away and I wil hardly remember anything about the accident. They were wrong. I still remember it and somehow it still manages to mortify me. The sudden appearance of the car, the dark mirrors against the backdrop of the white facade of the car, the fatal brush, the inevitable fall, the vain attempt to grab on to something. It's all clear in my mind. 

I don't know how long I lay there, if I was conscious or not, I remember waking up (or getting up some time after the fall) making an attempt to find my bag to get home, being unable to get up and finally setting sight on my foot and feeling the searing pain for the first time. The grotesque deformed foot smeared with blood and bruises. The loudest I have ever shrieked. The mob, the police men, the frantic phone calls, seeing the stars lying down on the stretcher as I was being taken to the hospital, and wondering what is to become of me while battling visions of being handicapped for life and being thankful it's not happening to priya, aarti or neha as they have no one in the city they live in. 

This is the first and probably the last time I am writing about the accident. There's still a lot unsaid, unspoken and unwritten. But it's all there.


Anonymous said...

the golden rule is....if u put up a "no parking" signboard..that is just where people park....and by the same logic..i read ur post..

a very moving post...the heart of your friends goes out to you hansa, even far off chat friends, the thought of our sweet friend having to face such a dark moment.....and you have faced your ordeal with courage....and with characteristic sure dark demons of thought must have haunted you...but u warded them off...and never let those around u be troubled


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