Jeez....

By far one of the lamest advice articles I have read on a How-To site in a really long time. Here goes... (nasty/ sarcastic comments in brackets are my own)

How to Keep a Girl Forever

If you want to know how to keep a girl in your heart forever and ever and keep her from leaving you. Here is how!

Steps
Hug your girl as much as possible and let her pull away. She might think
you don't love her! (oh my god he pulled away b4 me, he doesnt love me .... :-( waaaaaaahhhhhhhhh.......... )

Carry her books and bags for her. She will give you a kiss or hug as a reward!
(ya sure! obviously this was written by some school kid)

Call her once in a while to keep her thinking about you. Just tell her you really love her
over the phone! (yes, over the phone, she will kill u if u have the balls to say it in person! muahahahaha)

Whisper things in her ear such as: compliments, "I love you", "Did you know...", "Can I just tell you how...". (like dude, where's the rest of the dialogue?)

Kiss her in front of your friends; you don't want her to think you are hiding her from them!
(try at your own risk)

Buy her something once in a while. Just something small like: a teddy, bracelet, lollipop, chocolates, rose! (lollipop? what are we? four?)

When she is cold, give her your T-shirt or jacket. Also, you should leave a T-shirt
at her house and tell her it's hers. (yes! all girls want a guy's tshirt which they can't wear,
its like money in the bank)

Take her out to do things with you. Like go to the beach, mall, friends house, park, fair, go karts, paintball! (wow, basically it means take her everywhere except the loo)

Be a romantic! Take her out for long walks, dinners and later on kiss her on the neck as you give her a necklace. (phhh)

ALWAYS KISS HER! Not every minute, but just whenever a class finishes or at a friend's house.
(what can i say, i like the explanation offered - not every minute... duh ... isnt that
obvious nutcase. this also re-instates my previous comment - it is written by a school kid)


Warnings

Don't be too clingy. (finally some sanity)
Don't hug her friends or even your female friends. (ummm, really?)
Don't leave her out of things. She will get MAD. (depends... maybe if u r dating a psycho)

Friendship & News

Just came across something I wrote at 16, okay 17:

How good a friendship is does not depend on the years spent together , but on
the intensity of love , trust , understanding and comfort.

Nothing lasts forever , friends become people , people become friends , and life
goes on . People who were once friends , turn to casual aquantainces .
Friendship and love are two things you never need to look for , you just discover
them at most unlikely places and times , they just happen.

I hate newspapers and all the darned news networks , I like to believe that it's a
beautiful life and it's worth living , that it's a beautiful world out there , waiting
to be explored , watching news and the things that happen around us , breaks
my illusion . We could sure do with some peace on this planet.

A Day at RML

So today India celebrates it's 61st independence day. And why not? We have come a long way and the changes are everywhere to be seen. But there are still miles to go. This is especially applicable to public healthcare facilities in hospitals such as Ram Manohar Lohia Hospital in the capital. Sure it's free and all, but all processes are primarily governed by obscure paperwork that causes a lot of delay. Add to it the huge bulk of population, scarce 
doctors and outdated infrastructure and you have chaos!

What makes it so chaotic? There are over 150 patients each day for each specialty who examine patients over a course of 4-5 hours. There are only around 4 docs for each department. Do the math. 

Here, a few candid pictures to unfold the real deal...

Marsh and stagnant water on the premises - a hotbed for malaria. Hey don't you go to the hospital to get RID of diseases?



Once you register after struggling through a long queue and take
a consultation number, this is where you wait. I like to call this 
the outer waiting chamber/ corridor.



The open air canteen of sorts. People kill time here as they wait for their turn. Some even leave the hospital to run errands in the meantime. 



While others mingle and bitch about the hospital procedures.



Finally lady luck smiles and you feel closer to your destination
as an attendant yells out for a set of numbers. Ab dilli durr nahi, you feel.
You find yourself in the inner waiting chamber only to enjoy your
90 seconds of fame with the doc as he/ she hurries through
your reports and symptoms.



Yes ma, your turn will come too. Sabr ka phal mitha hota hai!



An ailing old man on the brink of a doorway without any attendant.
The concept of ward boys is alien to the hospital. Your companion is the
one who manoeuvres your wheel chair/ stretcher. To get a wheel chair or
stretcher, you have to get a permission slip signed btw.



In stark contrast is the nursing home for higher officials.
Super clean, quiet and conducive to healing.

There are other things too, but you wouldn't like to see them. And I don't want to show you.

C-Grade Villiany!

Khoob jamega rang jab mil baithenge 3 yaar, aap, main, aur google talk. Lol. Me and panjak ended up talking crap and 
what resulted was a lot of laughs! Read on...


pankajunk:
e budde!!!! jo wahan daag kaun saaf karega!! tera baap??? raps him with his walking stick

me:
ae budhiya, lagta hai mera hunter pada nahi tujhe bade din se, chal bageeche ki ghaas kaat

pankajunk: 
e budiya!!! aaj fir gobi khilayegi!!! (throws garam garam gobi at buddis face)

arre maine lawn mower use karne ko kaha kya??? apne muh se kaat!! aur use khaa!!!

aur jab ana aur neha milne ayenge.....ana = ye bichare budda buddi kaun hain? hansa = ye mere naukar hain

budda = magar bahu....SLAPPPPPP shuts him up

me:
and exit buddha buddhi
and me - muhahahaha bol ana kaise aana hua
chal kitty party shuru kare
tu patte kaat main breezer nikalti hu

pankajunk:
mera pehla daaw meri saas ka mangalsutra 
mera doosra daaw mere sasur ka pension account

and they get chatty....hansa = yaar ana mera dil vo nayi chevrolet ki gaadi lene ka hai..magar paise nahi hain
hansa = tujhe pata hai mere sasur ke upar life insurance policy hai....aur haadse to hote rehte hain....

me:
ana - main ek aadmi ko janti hu jo ye kaam saste mein kar dega 
aarti - arre saste mein kya ye to free mein ho sakta hai

pankajunk:
hansa = mujhe kisi aadmi vaadmi ki zaroorat nahi hai
hee hee
aarti = maine kerisone oil use kiya tha....bada effective hai
cheekhen sun ke extra maza aata hai

me:
hansa - bas mere pati ko kuch nahi pata chalna chahiye

pankajunk:
ana - vo to lallu hai

me:
nahi to teesri shaadi karni padegi
neha - saare mard lallu hote hain
ab mere patiko hi dekh lo

pankajunk:
ana - yaa, can u call me when u murder your saas sasur, jabse maine apne waalon ko maara hai i havent had that sort o fun yaa

me:
i have a feeling uwant 2 continue with the dialogues

pankajunk:
nah
bas ab dimag khali ho gya

me:
lol
itne mein hi

pankajunk:
my villany is exhausted
 
me:
how will u sustain ur career as a dilogue writer for ghar ki lakshmi betiyan

pankajunk:
(i have a good mind to post this chat to my blog tho)

me:
me too
chal let's both do it

How Not To Tell a Joke

I know, I know, I haven't blogged in ages... (and here I was, thinking that buying a lappie would actually make me more regular). Anyhow, now that my company is on a firing spree (they call it downsizing), here's a tribute to the man who lost his job yesterday. Unworldly wise and cynical, the man will be missed 
for his weird ways.

Most of all, this is what we learned from him - how not to tell a joke:

Joker: Joke
Audience: Hahahaha
Joke: You got it, right?
Audience: Ya Ya!

Pause

Joker: Repeat Joke
Audience: :-I

Dead Man's Chest

http://culturecomedy.sulekha.com/blog/post/2008/01/dead-man-s-chest.html

The Effervescent Auto Wala

Not only is it dilli ki sardi that knocks the daylights out of you, it's also the infamous dilli ka auto wala (referred to as AW). When in Delhi, without a car at your disposal, expect to meet one or all of these.

Specimen 1: Uh No!

Me - Auto khali hai bhaiya?
AW - Haan
Me - Rajouri Garden chalenge?
AW - Nahi

Specimen 2: Not Really

Me - Auto khali hai bhaiya?
AW - Haan
Me - Rajouri Garden chalenge?
AW - Rajouri mein kahan?
Me - Central Market ke paas..
AW - Nahi

Specimen 3: Map to My House

Me - Auto khali hai bhaiya?
AW - Haan
Me - Rajouri Garden chalenge?
AW - Rajouri mein kahan?
Me - Central Market ke paas..
AW - Ye kidhar padega
Me - (More route explantions)
AW - Nahi

Specimen 4: Great Expectations

Me - Rajouri Garden chalenge bhaiya?
AW - Haan
Me - Kitne paise
AW - Sau rupye
Me - Akele chale jaao

Specimen 5: My Way or the Highway!

Me - Rajouri Garden chalenge bhaiya?
AW - Haan
Me - Kitne paise
AW - Assi rupye
Me - 60 lagte hain bhaiya
AW - Chalo 75 de dena
Me - Meter se chalo
AW - Meter kharab hai madam

Specimen 6: Main Bus Banna Chahta Hu

Me - Rajouri Garden chalenge bhaiya?
AW - Nahi, vahan main nahi jaata
Me - Agar koi fixed route hai to bus ki tarah likhte kyun nahi ho bahar?

Specimen 7: Nocturnal Vibe

Me - Rajouri Garden chalenge bhaiya?
AW - Haan
Me - Kitne paise
AW - Do sau
Me - KYA?
AW - Bahut raat ho gayi hai
Me - Abhi 7 baje hain!
Auto - Nahi madam, do sau se kam nahi
Me - To abhi hi ghar chale jao, der karoge to sher aa jayega

Specimen 8: Detour!

Me - Rajouri Garden chalenge bhaiya?
AW - Nahi, Dhaula Kuan jaa sakta hu vahan mujhe kaam hai, aap vahan se doosra le lena.
Me - Uhh!

Specimen 9: Terms and Conditions

Me - Rajouri Garden chalenge bhaiya?
AW - Haanji chalenge. Baitho.
Me - Kitne paise?
AW - Pachaas rupye.
Me - Thik hai.
AW - Lekin main bidi piyunga raste mein, aur CNG bhi bharvwani hai.

Specimen 10: The Analyst

Me - Rajouri chalna hai?
AW - Mujhe rasta nahi pata
Me - Mujhe pata hai
AW - Kitna dete ho
Me - 50 rupye
AW - Ye to kam hai bada
Me - Aapko rasta pata hai kya.. Meter chalao
AW - Meter to purana wala laga hua hai
Me - !